Wanting the impossible

Why do I always want precisely what I can not have?

I want a Mac book. I can't afford a Mac book.

I want a degree that is useful. I shall have no such thing.

I want to go to Portland next week. I have to settle instead for San Francisco.

I want eyes that don't suck, that aren't so blurry. I have a degenerative eye disorder, thus they grow exponentially worse, year after year.

I want to be a better person. I can't seem to make that happen.

I want to feel driven, to have a purpose. I can't seem to find one.

I want to exercise and feel good again. I am to afraid of starting and not being able to run even a mile.

I want a girl. I can't have her.

She is taken.

And so it goes.

The mormon fruit of hefner's loins

So turns out Hugh Hefner's grand daughter is a babe, and a Mormon. I served a table of 3 females on Saturday night. It was one's birthday. Upon asking who was paying for whom, one of the girls volunteered to pay for the birthday girl. The birthday girl then said, "Well she can afford it. She is Hugh Hefner's granddaughter.

Hugh Hefner's supposed granddaughter then got rather embarrassed, which lead me to believe that it was true. I had soooooo many questions I wanted to ask her. Mostly I just asked, "Well how is that?" To which she replied, "Kind of weird. I mean, it's a little awkward when grandpa is a total perv." I asked her if Hugh had ever asked her to pose, to which she replied in the negative. So I guess Hefner was able to hold on to a tiny shred of dignity in my eyes.

I asked her if she was a Mormon, to which she replied in the affirmative. I was unclear as to whether or not the rest of her immediate family was LDS, or just inactive.

Anyway, I guess all I am saying here, is I was thrilled to serve a Rigatoni Martino and a glass of water to the granddaughter of one of the filthiest men on planet earth. And she was sooo cute. But one can not simply ask a girl for her number, right after finding out she is Hugh Hefner's granddaughter.

Dammit.

Grow up already

I just decided today that I am really looking forward to having at least one class next semester. I am sick of feeling insanely lazy during the day. Well, on days in which I do not work, I am fairly productive. I usually find things to do. However some days when I am working a night shift, at 3, 4, or 5, I feel like it isn't really worth getting out to do anything before then, and thus I end up reading all day or something. Which I suppose is infinitely better than just watching TV or something, but I still feel somewhat lazy.

I think once school is here and at least 3 days a week I have to be somewhere before noon, I will become a more productive person. Or at least wear the guise of a more productive person.

I really want to start exercising. But I also dread doing so, because I haven't for such a long time. I mean, exercised regularly. Which means starting up again will be hell. But I can tell I am getting chubbier than I have been in a few years, and I don't like it, not one bit. I guess the occasional dance party hasn't been enough to keep up in shape.

I guess the scary thing about finishing up next semester is I have to then figure out exactly what I am going to do. You know, start seeking a job. Or something. I can't just be one of those people who graduates and works at a restaurant for a few more years after said graduation. I'm freaking 26. I have to do something with my life. And I'm really scared because, beyond having a desire to write, I have no clue what more to do, and nothing really interests me in the grown up big boy career field.

Decisions, decisions.