For the most part, I would rather get kicked in the groin repeatedly than attend a house party. Not because I hate people, or even houses. It is because of the crippling anxiety from which I suffer during any such event. Turns out, I am a rather socially retarded person. If I met me at any sort of social gathering, I probably wouldn't like me. I become a dull, boring person who struggles unbelievably to hold any sort of a worthwhile conversation with another human being. The only time this isn't true, is when the people I know outnumber the people I don't. In that case, I can generally be myself, and I think I am likable enough.
I think I might suffer from undiagnosed anxiety. Whenever I am with friends, and lots of strangers start to show up, I immediately suffer from a social stroke. I can't be witty, nor think of anything to interject that would add to a conversation or be worthwhile. I always feel awkward, and frustrated. I see everyone else going around socializing and meeting new people, which I am incapable of doing. And there I sit, loathing myself for being unable to talk to girls. For being single, and surrounded by attractive females that, even if I dared talk to them, it would be a waste of time because of the whole not being a normal person thing. I think one of the things I most look forward to about marriage is never feeling that female related social anxiety again. Never again feeling worthless because I am unable to interest a girl with my buried wit.
I'm not a boring person dammit.
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6 comments:
You are totally coming to my next house party. they are anything but awkward. If you just yell out words like Sufjan! The Shins! Audrey Hepburn! Stenciling! Bikes with baskets! Darfur! Michel Gondry! Wes Anderson! Portland, Oregon! women will flock to you. You can take THAT to the bank.
I hated you when I first met you. Haha. But you already knew that.
I feel you. I am also good at being a social retard. I think it's a large reason why I am happier in a relationship as well.
And also why I have been single for like 8 months. Crap.
marriage solves nothing. death solves everything.
I repeat the first part of Dave's comment- marriage solves nothing. As for the second half, I hope you get some help, Dave. There are professionals standing by 24 hours to help you with your crisis. 1-800-sui-cide. Call now and receive THIS free gift: a key chain pocket knife!
Ok, obviously I'm also very awkward.
That last comment!!! amazing!!
and yeah your right....
social suicide.... but youshould just be as random as you can, say whats on your mind, dont be scared. youll meet people eventually you obviously have friends. Or smoke a j loosen up.
=] always works. why do you think stoners have friends.
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